The office lights that animate skylines at night are an illusion; they conceal the fact that, for the most part, only cleaning crews give life to the city after dark. That’s the way it was in Kansas City when I landed a second shift job at a major corporation. I used to enjoy dinner in the employee’s cafeteria looking past the huge curtains and plate glass windows into downtown Kansas City unencumbered by the daytime rat race. The scene was particularly memorable when light snow would profile its buildings - a wonderland by night, especially during Christmas.
Since it was my first real job after college, I had a lot to learn about the feudal life of the castle run by some of the strangest masters I’ve ever encountered. For the most part the serfs were quite docile, but once in a while temptation would lead to mischief against the manor in the form of theft. Interestingly enough, theft was broad, ranging from embezzlement by a corporate executive to stealing by the firm’s factory workers and janitorial supervisors who pumped vending machines with coat hangers until the coin mechanisms gave up their bounty. What separated the professionals from the amateurs was daring, co-ordination, and most important of all, stealth.
Every Wednesday the cafeteria would serve its famous bean soup accompanied by corn bread. At approximately 9:00 P.M. I sat down at a table next to the windows that had the best view of Kansas City at night. Out of nowhere I noticed a thick rope descending in front of me. I thought, “That’s kinda strange.” Window washers work during the day. Something was up and it wasn’t a free floor show. Next in appearance came office furniture. There arose a considerable murmur among the other employees in the cafeteria and apparently at least one alerted the security guards who quickly put out an unexpected welcome mat on the bottom for the crooks.
The caper had most of the hallmarks that would have made the theft the stuff of inside legend if they had pulled it off. There were at least two teams: the roof team and the ground team that included a getaway truck. It was an inside job where someone had obviously cased the joint. The daring of the robbers could not be challenged; stealing from the boss during working hours. The only problem lay in their flagrant disregard for stealth (past the employee’s cafeteria at dinner time). What were they thinking? America’s stupidest criminals are key examples of how Darwinism culls the herd and makes us laugh.
